Realistic Stomach Fanny Pack

Who needs pockets anyway?

It’s time to break out the sewing machine and remove those pesky pockets from literally all your clothes, because from now on when it comes to carrying things, this realistic beer-gut-styled fanny pack is all you’re going to need going forwards.

Truly, an item that is a fit for all body types, although if you yourself are supporting a little bit of a healthy gut, it is worth noting that you may get confused after long wears and begin searching for the zipper upon your real body, as well as the occasional fever dream about unzipping yourself and storing keepsakes as a human evolved form of kangaroo.

While it’s not guaranteed, I’d say there are likely some security benefits to these bad boys as well, primarily, no one is really going to want to stick their slimy little fingers into your hairy-looking gut pack.

If these stomach fanny packs existed in middle earth, it’s safe to say that the ring would have been delivered to Mordor with ease and comfort, because no amount of evil, even that of Sauron’s, could escape the all-powerful walls of this cursed item.

Stomach Fanny Pack on Amazon