🤷‍♂️ or 🤷‍♀️

Weird or Confusing

Oddities, Pranks, and a few things that make noooo sense

Never Ending Happy Birthday Card

Annoying tunes AND glitter, just about as evil as it comes

This birthday card definitely falls into the #1 smart and evil ideas on this site, there are a few well-thought-out features that make it as elaborate as it is. In fact, I can give you a very clear play-by-play of how this goes.

  1. Gift the card, and everyone is happy
  2. Someone presses the button, which behind a painful never-ending tune
  3. Everyone starts to go insane, trying to hide said card
  4. Someone gets the smart idea to rip open the card to pull out the battery
  5. Glitter and confetti everywhere
  6. Friendship over, everyone is sad

Now that’s said, you can go into the idea of gifting this card with the entire 1 possible scenario completely drawn out and clear in your head. Honestly more much needs to be said.

Never Ending Happy Birthday Card on Amazon

Nicolas Cage Sequin Pillow

I don't drink blood, and last time I looked in the mirror, I had a reflection.

While it seems like the world of Sequin Pillows is richer than that of beanie babies or baseball cards, there is one pillow that rises above the rest, the holo Charizard of the lot, and that my friends, is the Nicolas Cage Sequin Pillow.

This Pillow (case only) is the true celebration of Nic’s colorful career, and even if you’re not feeling particularly Cage’y with a wipe of your hand you can brush off the face and be straight down to a beautiful sparkling red. That said, within minutes you’ll be missing the beautiful face, and kapow, another quick wipe of your hand, and your room will be filled again with the warmth that is Nic’s face.

Nicolas Cage Sequin Pillow on Amazon

Nose Aerobics

Is this for you eyes, your nose, or your neck? Well there's only one way to find out

Want to look cool and strong in front of your family or co-workers, then dedicating most of your waking hours to Play Visions Nose Aerobics is the fastest path. Soon you’ll be swinging that muscular neck, flicking that smooth-skinned nose back and forth, and swishing that small orange ball, all net, every time.

Now the word on the street in these bad boys are discontinued, and we can only really assume that some key component has been mined to extinction, and there can’t be any more made.

And as a final note, and I do feel that this needs to be said, you do not need a description to wear these, they are not produced by Warby Parker, and there are no lenses… that said, I guess if you do have a prescription you won’t be able to wear these over your glasses, so you might have to break out the contacts and get hooping!

Nose Aerobics on Amazon

Pooping Pooches Calendar

Seize the year!

Every year that rolls around is a new opportunity to replace that boring “influential quotes” style calendar with something that will get everyone talking and everyone brooding with excitement as each month comes to an end. Then, as your whole family stays up to midnight you can collectively flip the calendar’s page to the new month and be reminded that yes, dogs, much like you, also poop.

If the look pooches vulnerably pooping isn’t enough, this is a fully functional calendar with many high-grade features, including but not limited to, the day of the month, the number of the day of the month, and a beautiful square that you can write events that can’t be forgotten, that weird uncles birthday, or when your next to call in the exterminator.

Pooping Pooches Calendar on Amazon

The Roto Wipe

If you're anything like me, you'll be upset that this was only the box

While again I feel the need to add the secondary disclaimer that this is only THE BOX for the roto wipe, I can’t help but feel complete wonder for this design, and a larger curiosity as to why it hasn’t been picked up and created in the real world.

No one will deny that with alleged 2700 RPMs, this roto wipe would not only clean your privates but if anything, would take along anything it touches into the watery depths of your plumbing.

With inflation soaring as it is today and the ever-increasing price of household goods, toilet paper inclusive, you really would be asking yourself, can I live without a roto wipe?

The Roto Wipe on Amazon

Toad Handbag

A first date talking point if there ever was one

While some designers use traditional leather, some use crocodile leather, and some snake, the larger underappreciated leather in the world of fashion is definitely that of the humble toad.

Now it’s one thing to use leather from a toad, but another thing entirely to use the entire creature. In our case, and honestly, what I would consider the only humane case this is faux toad leather, but being fake as it is it doesn’t leave out any of the nitty-gritty pocks, warts, and imperfections that make it so beautiful.

One this is for certain though, if you take this toad out on the town you’ll be the talk of the streets and shops, and I’d almost go so far as to say you’ll be as far as possible of a target for anyone looking to shadily sneak-thief your purse away.

Toad Handbag on Amazon

Yodeling Pickle

No home is complete without at least one yodeling pickle

No, you didn’t turn yourself into a pickle, but you did the next best thing which is getting a wonderful yodeling pickle, keeping it in your pocket for the rest of your life, and learning the wonderful yodeling techniques that have been handed down pickle to pickle for generations.

After you’ve got one of these bad boys in your possession, you’ll never need to smash that like or subscribe button again, the only button that you’ll be interested in is the small green button that gets your pickle yodeling.

Soon or later you’ll be listening to yodeling tutorials and painting your face green and dreaming of that sweet pickling vinegar bath, and small jars growing dust in the root cellar.

Yodeling Pickle on Amazon

Bacon Bandages

When the idea of hiding a cut is too much for you

Some people like the idea of hiding their cuts and gashes, covering up the open wound with some skin-colored bandage that keeps it nice, hidden & clean… this product is not for those people.

Bacon Bandages are an instant conversation starter, you can imagine pretty clearly how it goes in your head.

“Is that bacon on your knee?”
“Yes, yes it is.”

After a few days of these bad boys, you’ll wonder why they even sell the other (unbaconated? unbaconized?) covers, and every time you hear the sizzle, or sniff the sweet yet scent of bacon cooking your bones will ache with the ghosts of injuries past.

Bacon Bandages on Amazon

Dancing with Cats

Embrace your inner art teacher

By now you’ve probably completed all the projects in the wonderful “crafting with cat hair” and with it, your cat’s own hair supply is extremely depleted. While you wait for that hair to build up again you have a couple of choices, the first would be to get another cat the other though, is to begin a new cat-based journey, and I believe my friend, that dance is that journey.

You’ll need to start slow, limbering up those arms and legs of yours, and slowly advance into some of the more elaborate techniques often involving sheets and toy-esque elements to get your sweet kitties onto those back legs and into some incredible dance positions.

Sooner or later it’ll be kittie and the nutcracker performing in a theater near you, and roses of adulation will be filling your sweet sweet home.

Dancing with Cats on Amazon

Dooty Head

And the award for the best new game goes to...

Call “it” what you want, this game looks to be one of those “it’s so simple why didn’t I think of it” hits that will provide hours of laughter, and will appeal to anyone who likes the idea of throwing plush “dooties” at the head of your friends and family (the entire planet).

The rules for dooty head are a little abstract, though the goal is clear, if you’ve stuck a dooty (the word is starting to lose all meaning to me now) to your opponent’s cap, worn on the head, then you’re a point up. The box comes with 3 dooties, so you’re free to defend and attack much like a sticky version of dodgeball.

So with that, get your helmets on, grab a dooty, and remember to dip, duck, dodge, dive, and duck.

Dooty Head on Amazon